from bridget jones's diary...

New Year's Resolutions:

I WILL NOT
- Waste money on: pasta makers, ice-cream machines or other culinary devices which will never use; books by unreadable literary authors to put impressively on shelves; exotic underwear, since pointless as have no boyfriend.
- Behave sluttishly around the house, but instead imagine others are watching.
- Spend more than earn.
- Get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen.
- Have crushes on men, but instead form relationships based on mature assessment of character.
- Bitch about anyone behind their backs, but be positive about everyone.
- Sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance, complete without boyfriend, as best way to obtain boyfriend.

I WILL
- Give all clothes which have not worn for two years or more to homeless.
- Save up money in form of savings.
- Be more confident.
- Be more assertive.
- Make better use of time.
- Not go out every night but stay in and read books and listen to classical music.
- Give proportion of earnings to charity.
- Be kinder and help others more.
- Eat more fiber.
- Get up straight away when wake up in mornings.
- Go to gym three times a week not merely to buy sandwich.
- Put photographs in photograph albums.