okay, i've already ranted to melissa about this, but i feel like i need to rant about this in writing to fully get it off my chest.

basically, i think i'm a lot better off by myself then ever trying to get together with anyone. it's just too much trouble liking someone. i honestly believe that i'm going to be by myself for a long long while, maybe forever. and i know what you're all thinking - that i'm being too melodramatic or spinstery. i mean, i've never been in a situation that would cause me to swear off men forever such as a bad breakup (since that would imply that i would have had to BE with someone first in order to break up with them). but i've been thinking about this for a long while now. and i think it's just better for me. i've been by myself for so long that i don't think i could change my life for someone else. not that i would have to make any huge life changes or anything, it's just the subtle shifts in my life that i would have to make that i would rather not. at this point, i feel like i'm too stubbornly independent for that to happen.

i'm not writing about this in order to get any sympathy or pity. and this isn't some crazy, bitter single woman rant. it's just the way i feel. and anyway, is there something wrong with being single and female that needs to garner sympathy and pity? and don't think i'm in denial about anything either. is it so hard to believe that i could be happier on my own than with someone else? just because it may not be the "natural" way of things, doesn't make it wrong. believe me, i've thought about this long and hard (maybe too hard) so it's not like i just came to this conclusion in one day. are my standards too high? maybe. am i too closed off? maybe. but maybe there's also a reason for all of that. that i just wasn't meant to be with anyone. i feel stronger this way anyway. not that being with someone makes you weak, but in my case, i'm so used to having only myself to rely on that i don't think i could change. and i know you might think, well how can you turn your back on something you haven't even tried? well, i've never tried weed but that doesn't mean that i need to try it in order to know that it would be bad for me. not that weed and relationships are exactly the same, but you know. i don't think that was a good analogy. i know this whole entry sounds stupid and melodramatic; i wish i could explain myself better.

so that's it. this isn't me giving up. this is me moving on.

[and hopefully this is the last you'll see of serious post cherry. i hate serious post cherry. back to fun-loving, stupid post cherry.]