hahahaha...jen just told me what my horoscope on the onion says:

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Your feelings of resentment over having to live on a reservation are unwarranted, as you are an endangered Cape buffalo.

i like hers better:

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Try looking at it this way: Maybe you're normal, and the people with only two eyes are the weird ones.