i am starting to get depressed. depressed and stressed. depressed and stressed and anxious. so much so that i've been having problems sleeping for the past few nights. i REALLY do not want to go back to san diego. i think, for the first time since i started going to college, i actually wish that i went to school closer to home. and i know all of you are going to be like, "hey! what about me??" when i say this, but...i think i'm really going to miss the baby the most. i mean, first time i met him was spring break and i was instantly charmed. i only had a week with him, but after going back i started to really miss him and every time my mother called, i always asked how he was. which is stupid since, hello, he's a baby. it's not like he goes out and does stuff. anyway. when i got back home for summer, it had only been three months, but he had changed so much. i know this is like, the corniest thing i can say, but really, he's growing up so fast. it's just gonna be depressing since, next to my mother, he's the person i've spent the most time with this summer. i love being able to carry him around and spin him around in circles like he's superman. and i love being able to soothe him back to sleep. heck, i don't even mind changing his smelly poo diapers. i'd so much rather change his diapers than go back. the next time i'll be home is thanksgiving, and he probably won't even be at our house then since his parents will have vacation too and won't need us to babysit. which is why i'm going to try to get home as early as possible. i'm thinking of flying home on the tuesday of that week. but if i don't get to see him then, the next time will be winter break. but what i'm scared of is that his parents won't need us anymore. i can't imagine why they'd all of a sudden stop asking us to babysit since i don't think they have many other options (at least, i hope they don't), but still. what if they find someone else, like one of their relatives, who's able to babysit? i don't want him to go. :(

ugh. and then on top of all of that, i just realized, i need to apply for the honors program for psychology this quarter. which i'm horribly scared of. i need to study my ass off. it's not that i think i'm stupid (i don't think i'm particularly intelligent enough either though), it's just that my study skills are abysmal. i don't know if i can do it. and THEN, moving down and getting all my furniture is going to be a pain in the ass. not to mention packing again. gaaaaaaawd....i don't think i can sleep now. i'm too nervous. i need sleeping pills.

and, to add to my misery, i think i'm pmsing. which explains all that depressing, sentimental mush above. i think that's about as depressing and sentimental as i've ever gotten on my blog. and, with my luck, my period will come tomorrow, when i have to wear a skirt. god. *knocks on wood* like that helps.

i only have a week left with justin. oh god, i know this is like, irrational thinking, but what if i never see him again?