my mother lost her keys and her mind followed.

so i woke up this morning around 9 but didn't get out of bed until 10. i go to my computer to turn it on but see a post-it note stuck to the monitor. the note says: "cherry, i took your car because i couldn't find my keys. mom." but in really bad english. [the note actually read: "cherry mom borow your car i don't know where my key"] great. i'm stuck at home.

after putting in my contacts and brushing my teeth, i search the house for the keys to her suv which is still in our garage. i search all the likely places - the kitchen counter, the kitchen table, the family room table (including the drawers), her bedroom, her desk (including the drawers), her bathroom counter (including the drawers), her closet, the wet bar, the laundry room (including the cupboards), the linen closet, and so on. nothing. i do a second sweep. still nothing. i consider the possibility that the keys have seriously just walked off the face of this earth and resign myself to being stuck in the house all day.

when my mother gets home from work around 4, she goes upstairs and tells me that she spent half an hour this morning looking for her keys. at this point, my brain decides to take a break from thinking and i stupidly ask her, "did you leave your keys at work?" she stares at me as if i've just eaten a crayon. i know she wants to laugh in my face but she slowly explains to me as if i'm four years old that she wouldn't have been able to get home from work yesterday if she didn't have her keys. so clearly they must be somewhere in the house. "how did you graduate from college?" i know she wants to ask me.

instead, she goes to change her clothes and continues the search. after about twenty minutes of fruitless searching, she returns to me, angry and frustrated, and comes to the conclusion that my father must have accidentally taken her keys this morning along with his. of course. because my father, the sensible one, always does foolish things like this. and this is only the 5,437th time she's lost her keys somewhere in the house. this time must be different! there's no way she could've lost the keys again. my father must have taken the keys! of course!! "i'm so mad at him!!" she tells me.

five minutes later, she yells from downstairs, "I FOUND THEM!!" i ask her where. "in the hall closet," she answers. "i opened the closet and there they were!" she tries to explain why she left them there but, as usual, she makes no sense. "i'm getting so old..." she says. mm-hmm.

i fear that i will become like my mother when i become older. a crazy, forgetful car thief.