god, i love painkillers.

i would like to publicly apologize to one christina ha for flaking on her yet again. i hate people who flake out on other people and, unfortunately, i have become one of those people. *hangs head in shame* i would like to offer these um...skittles as a gift. uh...i don't have anything else. ;D and actually, i only have red, orange, and white ("the mystery flavor"; it's actually blue raspberry) skittles left since i ate all the green and purple ones first. heh... ;D

well. definite advantage to having super short hair - much cooler neck. very helpful in our current heat wave.

bad thing: although i started out really liking the short hair, i am slowly beginning to realize that i look like an asian beatle with a zig zag part.

oh yeah, i forgot to mention. i went to japan today. which is unusual since i went there less than a month ago. hmm. and i'm going to great america tomorrow. perfect. well. it was either great america or aunt's house. so, not that hard of a decision there.

OH! i totally forgot to mention this one thing that happened at the salon. while i was getting my hair cut, the lady asked me if i had a boyfriend yet. while i silently laughed at her question in my head, i told her no. then she asked me if what my mother said was true - that i wanted to go on to grad school and get my master's and i said yes. and then she said, "well, it'll be hard to get a boyfriend then, won't it?" and i'm nodding thinking that she probably means that i'll be so busy studying i won't have time for a boyfriend but no, what she ACTUALLY means is, and i kid you not, she actually said this: "it'll be hard to find a boyfriend because you'll be so smart and the boy has to be smarter than the girl!!"

now what i SHOULD have said was, "EXCUSE ME?!?! did we just go back to 1950?? since when does the man in the relationship have to be smarter than the woman? why can't the woman be smarter than the man? for that matter, why does ANYONE have to be the smarter one in the relationship? what does it matter??"

but what i actually said was, "yeah." see, the fate of my hair rested in this woman's hands. i did not want to piss her off and end up bald. but still. that definitely riled up the feminist in me. grr...

the boy has to be smarter than the girl, my ASS.

today's lesson: open mouth. insert foot.

okay, well, before we get to today's lesson, let's talk about the really bad day i woke up to. because hearing about my bad days, i'm sure, is so extremely entertaining. [sorry folks, this is going to be a long blog. but bear with me, i'll try to make my pathetic life sound funnier than it actually is.]

so i woke up this morning around 11 am so i could take a shower before i went food shopping with deb and jacq for the park party. but i spent a good forty five minutes trying to get my computer to work. but it was no use. it had died. and so had i. see, what you need to understand is that me and my computer are like this *holds fingers close together*. we have a love-hate relationship. i love it. it hates me. for the ENTIRE day, my stomach was in knots and i began to go through some violent withdrawal symptoms (eyes glazed over, foaming at the mouth, head spinning in all directions, etc). my computer is like my alcohol. my heroin. my crack. i CANNOT, i repeat CANNOT, live without it. i don't care how pathetic that sounds. i really don't. i don't care if that makes me the queen of the uber-losers. anyway, after forty five minutes of futile coaxing, begging, and mad "WHY ME?!?!?"s, i turned off the computer (that, in itself, took a while) and went to go take my shower and get ready. and already my online absence had disturbed people. when they didn't see me online, deb called me to make sure i was awake. anyway, i left the computer off for the entire day, came back around 730, and miraculously, it worked. you know, i'm beginning to think my computer was playing tricks on me. i bet it was probably thinking to itself, "haha, stupid human. thinks i'm dead. what a loser." in fact, i can hear it laughing at me right now. but i still love it. *hugs computer* now don't you ever do something like that again, do you hear me?! don't scare mama cherry like that!!

anyway, after my shower, i'm getting ready and my mother returns home and tells me she made an appointment for the hair salon this afternoon at 330 pm. but she didn't tell me this until like, just then. i had been planning to meet with deb and jacq at like 1 pm. so my mother got mad at me and i got mad back at her.

me: i thought you didn't want to go back to that salon!!
mother: yes, but i already called them and made an appointment!!
me: but why are you going back there?! i thought you didn't want to go back!!
mother: yes, but i already called them and made an appointment!!
me: you told me you didn't want to go back to that salon. why are you going back?
mother: yes, but i already called them and made an appointment!!

this went on for a good five minutes. in the end, i just stopped the whole (pointless) conversation and told my mother i was leaving and that i'd be back around 3.

so. onto today's lesson: open mouth, insert foot - chapter one. went to costco and food 4 less with deb and jacq. deb gave a perfect demonstration at costco. oh man, that was one of the funniest things i've seen in a long time. so the three of us were in the bread aisle pondering about how many hamburgers and hot dogs to get. while jacq stayed with our cart in the bread aisle and called...someone, i don't remember who, she was calling a lot of people it seemed, me and deb headed back to the frozen/refrigerated section of costco to go get some hot dogs. as we're rounding the corner, we see some kool-aid thingies. it wasn't the juice, it was something else, i'm not sure what it was. anyway, debra points straight at the kool-aid thingies and says in a very loud voice, "I HEARD THOSE THINGS WERE GROSS" and a millisecond later, we see (too late) the lady standing there giving out samples of the kool-aid thingies. she looked unamused. deb immediately clapped her hand over her mouth and started giggling nervously/giddily/psychotically. well, okay. maybe not psychotically. it sure was funny though. you see, i don't think you quite understand how loud she was. she wasn't like screaming, but she definitely was talking rather loudly. "this just doesn't happen to me! it happens to other people!!" a flustered debra said after we had passed her. on our way back to jacq and the cart, we decided to take the long way around. ;D

after costco, we head over to food 4 less and get more food and drinks. our total for the food for the party was pretty good. but then again, we sort of blindly guesstimated as to how many people would be coming. and we kept the number of things low assuming that not many people would come, or if they did, not many people would eat. in any case,...okay, i don't remember what i was going to write.

so after the whole food shopping thing, jacq dropped me and deb off and i ran into the house to find my mother offering coke to the baby. hah, that sounds so bad. but it was funny. the baby didn't like the coke too much which is surprising since he always likes to eat or drink whatever it is we're eating or drinking. anyway, we waited for my father to come home so he could watch the boys and my mother and i left for the salon. now...my hair is not purple. my mother sure was hell bent on it though. i told her that there was no way it could get to be like a bright purple unless they bleached my hair first because, hello, it's black and the purple just wouldn't show up. so we compromised on a color called "black cherry." fitting, don't you think? but you know what i realized when i was at the salon? that i've completely lost all will power to my mother. she not only chose what color my hair would be (okay, so we didn't really "compromise." she told me what color, and i agreed), but what style it would be cut too. oh well. i like it. maybe mother does know best. hahahaha, yeah right. anyway, it's short. like, super short. like, THIS is the shortest it has ever been. like, why do i keep starting my sentences with like? ohmygod, i just reached back to touch my hair. it's short. ah well. short is good. i can pretend like i'm the ugly version of amelie and waltz around fremont like it's paris and say things like, "it is better to help people than garden gnomes."

anyway, on or way home, we reach chapter two of today's lesson (open mouth, insert foot). my mother and i were on our way to safeway to buy some watermelons for the party and we passed by our old church, santa paula. remember the whole priest molestation accusations? santa paula was not immune. one of its priests was accused of molesting some altar boys or something a while back (don't worry, this happened like before i was even born). i blogged about it a while ago, i remember, but i'm sure no one else does. anyway, i read this story online and in the article, it said that santa paula had closed down a while ago. so we're passing by santa paula and i (stupidly stupidly STUPIDLY) say to my mother, "the church is closed down now, isn't it?" now see, i had thought of asking my mother that a while ago when i first heard about the whole thing, but i thought it unwise since she would start asking me why i stopped going to church and blah blah blah. but, as i said, i was STUPID. and i was right.

mother: why don't you want to go to church any more?
me: *scrunches down in chair* i just don't want to go.
mother: do you want to be a buddhist?!

okay, let me just say right here that i have no idea where that came from. no actually, i kind of do. because every time we have this "why don't you want to go to church any more, don't you love god, do you still believe in jesus" conversation she ALWAYS mentions being buddhist. i just don't get it. really, it boggles my mind. didn't i tell you my mother was crazy? next thing you know, she's going to turn into carrie's mother and i'm going to go mad and develop telekinetic powers and burn down the high school gym in a fit of psychotic rage. you never know, it might just happen. how did my rambling get to this point? oh yeah, the church conversation. anyway, she told me that i should go back again and now, i have effectively shot my own foot off. dammit. maybe i can build like a cherry-clone and send her to church in my place. and i'll program her head to like spin around exorcist-style in the middle of mass and really freak everyone out. won't that be fun?!

anyway. that was my day. how was yours? ;D

still bored.

i am bored. i am so bored my brain is oozing out of my ears. but i'll probably really miss these moments once fall quarter starts again. ugh. i'm really hating all those "back to school" commercials. they really depress me.

watched a couple new movies on pay per view since they're the only channels that seem to be working. watched ocean's eleven a couple days ago. ohmygod. matt, george, and brad. oh...brad. brad brad brad. come to meeee....

saw the majestic tonight. it was okay. very sentimental. matt damon had a cameo although it was more of a voice cameo. he cameos a lot. well, it seems like it.

in other news, john mayer chose jennifer love hewitt over me. over ME!! psh...bastard. oh, but definitely still going to his concert in berk. maybe that'll be my chance to win him back from the slut.

i just realized. what's with all these jennifers? brad is married to the aniston one, john is going out with the love hewitt one, and now ben affleck is going out with the lopez one. yeah, i know jennifer's a common name. but still. these jennifers need to stop stealing my men. or i'll go out there and whoop some jennifer ass. (unless, of course, you are the chen one).

good god, i'm bored. i don't think i could be more bored. this might just be the most bored i've ever been. well. no, i don't think so, but it's right up there on my most bored moments. i'm so bored i'm writing a blog about being bored. are you bored yet?

this looks funny. hmm...

dammit.

crazy mother: 1. cherry: 0.

my mother wants me to dye my hair purple. like, REALLY wants me to. not that i don't want to, i would like to. but see, she's bordering on obssessive-fanatic about this. i'm scared. ohmygod. i can see her coming into my room right now and dragging me out by my hair to go to the salon. i'm serious. she is a CRAZY WOMAN. i'm scared.

this is not normal mother behavior. since when does a mother WANT her daughter to dye her hair purple? and you know the tattoos? yeah, she got angry about them, but she wasn't like crazy pissed like i'd expected her to be. she even thought my first one was cute! like i said, this is not normal mother behavior. this is just plain weird. i can't handle it.

next thing you know, she's gonna run off with a young latin man named julio and invest in some bad time-shares.

so i came down to the kitchen after i woke up this, uh...afternoon, and i found the baby sucking on a grape lollipop. upside down. oh no, the baby wasn't upside down, the lollipop was. his sticky little hands were clutching the actual lollipop while he sucked on the stick. my mother and i attempted several times to right the upside down lollipop but justin would have none of it and turned it back upside down every time. it was cute. :)

do you ever get the feeling that something has suddenly crawled up your butt and you don't know what it is?

well, this has nothing to do with butts, but i thought this was a pretty funny article about some old wives tales on how you can determine your unborn baby's sex even before conception. here are some of my favorites:

If You Want a Boy... Lie down after sex and stay there for a while. Supposedly that gives the boy sperm a chance to beat the girl sperm to the egg.

heehee...i can just imagine some little boy sperm shoving some little girl sperm away on his mad dash to the egg. you know, i probably wouldn't have such a graphic imagination if i hadn't watched amelie so many times.

If You Want a Boy... Follow the compass -- one of our users swears that pointing the woman's head north while you make love guarantees a boy.

Some old wives say a man's testicles should be cool before you have sex if you want a daughter; for a son, warm them up.

you know, wouldn't that just take all the fun out of sex? "oh you know what dear? i'd really like a girl so could you cool your testicles first please?" oh, and here's something about how to determine the sex of your baby AFTER conception.

The Drano Test

Some people believe that you can predict your baby's sex by mixing your urine with a little Drano. (The resulting color is supposed to be the key, but no one seems to be able to agree on which color means which sex.) Please don't try this. Not only is there nothing in Drano that would indicate a baby's gender, but mixing the chemicals in these two substances can produce dangerous fumes or even an explosion.

hahahaha...could you just imagine some poor woman peeing in drano and having her bathroom like blow up?

do you know what i find really annoying about my mother? the fact that she feels the need to inform me about every kidnapping story she hears. especially ones involving young teenage girls. take dinner, just now, for example. she told me about this girl who was bicycling in san francisco when suddenly a car drove by and pulled her in. how the person managed to drive the car and pull the girl off her bicycle and into his car at the same time is beyond me. anyway, some woman saw everything, called the police, police gave chase, kidnapped girl got dropped off, kidnapper still on the loose.

my mother ends another one of her kidnapping retellings with a "be careful. if you see a car drive close by, just run away" which prompted me to imagine myself throwing my hands up in the air and screaming in wild panic whenever a car drives by in the neighborhood, which is like every two seconds. it was a pretty funny scene in my head. too bad i couldn't stop from smiling. my mother asked me what i thought was so funny and i said, "not every car is bad." not a good idea, cherry. she then launches into this whole tirade with a "yes, but you HAVE to be careful blah blah blah remember that time when blah blah blah and then blah blah blah okay?!" gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwd.....

anyway. sufficed to say, this has made my mother even more annoying to me. and i suspect that she suspects this. which is why she's been asking me if i want to go anywhere or need anything in an attempt to appease the spoiled temper of her only child. and let me tell you. i intend to milk this. like i always do. manipulative shmanipulative. *crosses her arms in a huff*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEN!!!!

we have no life! hurrah!! ;D