i'm so tired. but can't sleep. leaving in four hours.

last time online for quite some time. go read someone else's blogs in meantime.

goodbye, fremont. screw you, san diego.

okay, so i've been like, gradually packing all of my things. only thing is...i've been slowly realizing that i actually don't have that much stuff. and it's completely freaking me out. i feel like i'm totally missing a bunch of things. even though i'm making a mental list (toiletries, school supplies, shoes, books, cds, dvds, videos, etc.) and everything's there. this is just...really weird. i think it's cuz i left a crapload of stuff down in san diego (as helen can probably attest to as she generously kept all of it and moved it around for me, bless the woman). but still. it's weird!! where's all my stuff?! am i ACTUALLY deprogramming myself of the packrat mentality? or am i just completely brain dead and not remembering a good chunk of my stuff? because if it's the second one, then that's not good. i live like, five hundred miles away. can't exactly drop by home on weekends to pick up missing stuff.

anyway. i'm bored now. this is a stupid blog.

*picks up checkbook and sniffs it* i told you i couldn't stop. i think i might be like, sniffing all the smell out of it though. i need to stop.

i love the smell of my new checkbook. i can't stop sniffing it. does that make me weird?

i'm so tired.

woohoo! painkillers galore. and no pelvic. mother was very asian and sneaky though. wanted more vicodin, so took my bottle and dumped out like, all but three pills. when doctor took a look at it, decided to prescribe me more vicodin. as well as some other painkiller. nice. best part was the no pelvic. just felt my lower stomach area which was very frustrating for doctor, i'm sure, as i'm ah...very ticklish. but she was very nice. i like her. so felt bad about mother deceiving her. hmm. oh well. got more vicodin now. la la la...

hmm. looking up air fares for thanksgiving holiday. is...okay. sort of sucks, actually. more expensive than usual. but probably due to thanksgiving holiday. damn everyone else who's flying home during thanksgiving. why can't you people drive? i don't care if you go to school on the other side of the country. anyway. all flights i'm finding also seem to be connecting at lax. remember luggage fiasco last time had to take connecting flights but...don't really have choice. just...will have to be more careful this time. "i'm going to LOS ANGELES. not san jose or san diego. LOS ANGELES."

okay. enough procrastinating. must get ready for doctor. *whimpers*

going to doctor in an hour. mother wants more vicodin although have plenty left. doubt doctor will give me more. really REALLY don't feel like having another pelvic exam though. especially during period. oh god, that's gross. sorry for being gross, but can't help it. last pelvic exam was during period too and was...gross. ugh. yuck. sorry.

anyway. packing is going well. started and realized that actually don't have THAT much to do since most of stuff is still in bags. just need to reorganize things and try to throw out things i don't need in order to have more room for those that i do need. took out like, a third of all my videos and dvds. was ridiculous to have brought all those down to sd. don't even watch like, half of them. am afraid will never lose the "just-in-case" mentality. am getting better though. only big thing to pack is clothes. will save that for last though. for some weird, sick reason, i really like packing clothes.

anyway. leaving soon. hmm...should i tell doctor about taking two vicodins instead of one on saturday? or should i say i took two, but waited exactly six hours in between instead of, uh, five minutes. or should i just say i took only one. well. whatever. damage is already done. would likely only admonish me for not following instructions. though this may also reduce chances of getting more vicodin as doctor may think i am some crazed pill popper. hmm.

okay. REALLY REALLY REALLY do not want pelvic exam. ugh. will probably have one though. bleh. :(

am leaving friday morning. have yet to start packing. am beginning to panic. need more sleeping pills. although, i think i keep forgetting that even after i move down, i still have a few days to settle in before class starts. but still. who wants class to start?

as usual, am wondering if all of my things will fit in father's camry. i mean, it can't be THAT bad, since freshman year was undoubtedly when i had the most stuff and in some act of mystical magic, was able to fit all of it into the camry. but still. am a little worried. wardrobe keeps expanding even though every time i look in the closet, i seemingly have "nothing" to wear.

among other things, must also worry about internet/cable, rent, bills, and obtaining washer/dryer machines. must do all this quickly too otherwise will go completely mad. no washer/dryer machines = no clean underwear. no internet/cable = no life. was supposed to start packing today (actually, was supposed to start packing yesterday) but was still feeling pretty weak and could manage to only lie down on couch and watch tv. yes yes, i suppose one could call it laziness, but actually no, was still not feeling very well. better than yesterday though - no vicodin or heat compress needed. just rest. so...leaves only four days to pack. totally manageable. i mean, it only took me a day to pack everything at the end of the year freshman and sophomore years. although, it was much easier then since i had to empty out the rooms, so i knew exactly what i needed to pack. house right now is just complete mess. and, crap, must find old printer software to install on new computer so printer will work, but can't seem to FIND printer software. may have left it down in san diego, but unsure. and do not want to go down to sd to find out that printer software is not there and will have to live through quarter without printer. is virtually impossible to live without printer as college student.

hate college. don't see point. will perhaps go mad, run away to italy, and start life anew as revolutionary feminist nun.