this has been such a beautiful day.

after that last blog, i went to go lie down. but just as i did, the cramps started to come back and i was just like, c'mon...this can't be happening. i took TWO vicodins. they just weren't working the right way, i suppose. anyway, since my parents went out again after the first bout, i went downstairs and heated the compress myself. and while i did, i threw up. now, i haven't thrown up since i was seven years old. and that was only because there was a piece of candy lodged in my throat, not because i was sick. i threw up in the kitchen sink. it wasn't much, though. but still. after the compress finally heated up, i went back upstairs, lay down on my bed with the compress, and passed out.

i feel much better now. head's clearer and cramps are gone. for now, anyway. i must say this though: 1) if you do not have ovaries (in other words, if you are a boy), you had better be awfully grateful. and 2) there IS such a thing as too much vicodin.

ohmygod... i don't think i've ever felt this woozy, dizzy, and light-headed. shit...this vicodin is strong. note to self: follow instructions on bottle label next time. i can't even keep my head up. ohmygod... i'm this close to passing out.

ugh. i hate my body.

woke up to blinding, hysteria-inducing cramps today. took a vicodin pill. nothing happened. took another. nothing happened. rubbed some smelly green asian oil on body. nothing happened. called mother in tears. mother came home and put hot compress on body. dunno whether the two vicodins finally decided to kick in, or if it was the hot compress and my mother's presence, but pain finally stopped after a little over an hour of non-stop torture. now i'm feeling a little woozy from the vicodin. was only supposed to take one every six hours (as written on the bottle), but was in too much pain to follow directions and ended up taking two in less than five minutes. i feel like i'm going to pass out.

and to make my day that much better, i was right about my irrational feeling in my last blog. i don't think i'm going to see justin again. we're only going to babysit them for another week or two (well, I'M only going to be here for another week, so..it's just a week for me) and then it's good-bye. i think i was being a little melodramatic the other night though because i was pms-ing. i knew this was going to happen so i don't know why i was completely overreacting. anyway. i'm starting to feel really dizzy now. goodbye.

oh, terrific. it's friday the 13th too.

i am starting to get depressed. depressed and stressed. depressed and stressed and anxious. so much so that i've been having problems sleeping for the past few nights. i REALLY do not want to go back to san diego. i think, for the first time since i started going to college, i actually wish that i went to school closer to home. and i know all of you are going to be like, "hey! what about me??" when i say this, but...i think i'm really going to miss the baby the most. i mean, first time i met him was spring break and i was instantly charmed. i only had a week with him, but after going back i started to really miss him and every time my mother called, i always asked how he was. which is stupid since, hello, he's a baby. it's not like he goes out and does stuff. anyway. when i got back home for summer, it had only been three months, but he had changed so much. i know this is like, the corniest thing i can say, but really, he's growing up so fast. it's just gonna be depressing since, next to my mother, he's the person i've spent the most time with this summer. i love being able to carry him around and spin him around in circles like he's superman. and i love being able to soothe him back to sleep. heck, i don't even mind changing his smelly poo diapers. i'd so much rather change his diapers than go back. the next time i'll be home is thanksgiving, and he probably won't even be at our house then since his parents will have vacation too and won't need us to babysit. which is why i'm going to try to get home as early as possible. i'm thinking of flying home on the tuesday of that week. but if i don't get to see him then, the next time will be winter break. but what i'm scared of is that his parents won't need us anymore. i can't imagine why they'd all of a sudden stop asking us to babysit since i don't think they have many other options (at least, i hope they don't), but still. what if they find someone else, like one of their relatives, who's able to babysit? i don't want him to go. :(

ugh. and then on top of all of that, i just realized, i need to apply for the honors program for psychology this quarter. which i'm horribly scared of. i need to study my ass off. it's not that i think i'm stupid (i don't think i'm particularly intelligent enough either though), it's just that my study skills are abysmal. i don't know if i can do it. and THEN, moving down and getting all my furniture is going to be a pain in the ass. not to mention packing again. gaaaaaaawd....i don't think i can sleep now. i'm too nervous. i need sleeping pills.

and, to add to my misery, i think i'm pmsing. which explains all that depressing, sentimental mush above. i think that's about as depressing and sentimental as i've ever gotten on my blog. and, with my luck, my period will come tomorrow, when i have to wear a skirt. god. *knocks on wood* like that helps.

i only have a week left with justin. oh god, i know this is like, irrational thinking, but what if i never see him again?

today's piece of tmi (too much information): i dreamt i was in san francisco last night, having sex with a girl.

that's all.

well, okay, if you want to analyze my dream, just know that i also dreamt about a really scary gerbil/guinea pig invasion where they were all coming up those manholes in the street and they were in like, every corner of my aunt's house.

great. i wake up early for once and this is my reward. the boyfriend talk with my mother.

mother: why don't you have a boyfriend?!
cherry: *shrug* i don't know.
mother: do you just not like them or do boys not like you?
cherry: *shrug*
mother: it's okay you know. i had a lot of boyfriends when i was your age. i still do. i have lots of boyfriends and men still like me.
cherry: *stares dumbly* [thinks, "good god. please don't tell me one of them is named julio."]
mother: why do debra and christina have boyfriends but you don't?
cherry: *shrug* i don't know.
mother: *grasps daughter's right palm and stares hard at it* but it says right here - you have lots of friends!! so why don't you have a boyfriend??
cherry: *exasperated* i don't know!! i don't go looking for one!
mother: and they do? debra and christina? they go looking for boyfriends?
cherry: *stares* [wonders, "how in the world did she get so clever as to twist my words around like that?!"] no, that's not what i meant!!
mother: well. what about high school? did you have any boyfriends then?
cherry: no, i would've told you if i did. *looks around frantically for escape. notices baby and thinks, perhaps can grab baby and run off. but then notices that baby is strapped into chair and would take too long to unstrap him and would probably result in dragging chair with baby in it around house in semi-insane manner.*
mother: did boys just not like you?
cherry: [thinks sarcastically, "yes, that must be it."] *shrug* i don't know.
mother: well, just remember. there are a lot of things i can teach you about boys. i know a lot. just ask me.
cherry: uh...all right. *tries desperately to block images of mother knowing "a lot" about boys*
mother: i was just wondering, you know, why everyone has a boyfriend but you still don't.
cherry: i don't need a boyfriend. i'm doing fine by myself.
mother: *mishears* oh, you're going to find one by yourself?!
cherry: what?? no! i said i'm all right by myself.
mother: *disappointed* oh.

and then the conversation, blessedly, stopped. you know....i'm starting to think that in her oh-so-subtle manner, my mother was trying to determine if i was a lesbian or not. or if i was just, you know, REALLY BAD with the opposite sex. i should've thrown something in there like, "i don't need a boyfriend. i need to study." i wonder if that would've stopped the conversation sooner.

anyway. that was fun. going to try to find some other way to torture myself now.

guess what time it is. now guess who's awake. yes, that's right. it's 8 am (sort of) and i'm awake. for no apparent reason other than the fact that i can't sleep. especially odd considering that i went to bed at 3 (although didn't fall asleep till around 4). woke up a little before 8 but stayed in bed to try to go back to sleep. it didn't work. i just couldn't sleep. wait'll my mother sees me. ["are you going somewhere?!" "no, mommy."] i didn't even wake up this early when i was taking summer classes.

finally! i have my red comforter. hurrah!!

it was so horifically expensive though. sheesh. although i suppose, i don't really NEED a full-sized bed. but, well, i've been sleeping in a twin bed my entire life. i think it's time i grew up. :) and do you have any idea how difficult it was to find a plain, solid red comforter?? muuuuuch more difficult than you would imagine. every red comforter out there seems to be reversible and have some really hideous color on the reverse side. are these people color blind? *shakes head in disgust* anyway, finally found a plain, solid red comforter at linens 'n things today. went there on saturday, but there weren't any. and two hours of yesterday was spent visiting every department store in newpark mall in search of the elusive red comforter. ended up just getting a pink blanket from sear's. anyway, the great red comforter search is over. i have emerged victorious. and, fittingly enough, the comforter was called "cherry" as in cherry-red.

man. i'm tired. slept too much again. must start to fix sleeping schedule. we'll start slow. will try to wake up at noon tomorrow.

crazy spinster: argh.
crazy spinster: i don't want to go back.
crazy spinster: argharghargh
crazy spinster: i hate school.
lavendurry: yea i wanna go back home too
lavendurry: school has lost all charm
lavendurry: i dont care if im a retard with no job
lavendurry: i just want to sit and stare
lavendurry: and it takes too much energy to be social
lavendurry: u know those cows on the milk comercials?
lavendurry: they seem pretty happy
crazy spinster: i agree
crazy spinster: would you like to join them?
lavendurry: i say we should
crazy spinster: that's a good idea
crazy spinster: when we get thirsty, we'll drink milk
crazy spinster: when we get hungry, we'll make hamburgers.
lavendurry: THATS SICK
lavendurry: youre eating your friends!
crazy spinster: hey
crazy spinster: i'm not a cow
crazy spinster: and who said i'd befriend any of them
crazy spinster: you're the one who says it takes too much energy to be social
crazy spinster: hah!
crazy spinster: take that!
lavendurry: ahaha

i don't know whether to laugh or cry. i feel a tad hysterical.

ohmygod. i am so traumatized.

my mother has embarrassed me...YET AGAIN.

so i was taking my shower just now. [yeah, this story already sounds bad, doesn't it?] and i was almost finished. i was rinsing my hair of the conditioner, so i had my eyes closed. and all of a sudden, my mother's voice bursts into the room. at first, i think, this has to be my imagination. she wouldn't really open the door while i was taking a shower, would she? but, alas...it was not my imagination. my mother had, in fact, opened the door, thrust a phone at me, and yelled, "CHERRY!! CHERRY!!! IT'S A CALL FROM SAN DIEGO!!!!" at which point, i screamed. "OHMYGOD!! MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" now, the thing is, she had pushed the phone straight in front of my face so i'm quite sure that whoever was on the line (i have a really bad feeling it's sanaz) heard everything. whoever it was heard me naked. naked and hysterical. after i screamed, my mother kept the phone straight in front of my face, but turned her head. like that helped me feel any less embarrassed. so i screamed, "TELL THEM TO HOLD ON!!!" and she said, "okay." and walked out.

may i just say.....GAAAAAAAWWWWWWD!!!! what's wrong with my mother?!?! now i don't mind her waking me up for phone calls. because i'm not NAKED. but walking into my shower to hand me the phone?? what was she expecting?? phones don't exactly work too well when wet. uuuuuuugh. i'm so embarrassed. it was sanaz. my mother told me she'd call back in ten minutes. i bet you ANYTHING, that sanaz is just sitting down in socal laughing her ass off, trying to regain her composure to call me again. ugh. *hangs head in total humiliation*

on the scale of embarrassment due to crazy mother, this ranks a 9.5. the 0.5 deduction is only because it was sanaz on the line and not someone i care to make an impression on. however, this 9.5 still qualifies me to begin claiming that i was adopted.

ps...and just to note, i know she's my mother so it doesn't matter if she sees me naked. but, seriously, i think the last time my mother saw me naked was like...elementary school or something.

ugh...just ugh.

i'm tired. but...must blog. internet-hypnotized mind demands it.

so...friday night. people came over to my house to watch blade II. deb, jacq, ha, little ha (just kidding, amanda), david, stan, and jason. but first, it was just me, jacq, deb, and david watching random movies on pay per view. i am sam, lord of the rings, harry potter, and kung pow. ["call me betty." "okay, sally."] then...people showed up and we watched. an okay movie, i guess. it was a dick flick. need i say more. afterwards, everyone left but deb. once we were alone, we had mad wild crazy passionate sex in the family room. very quietly though so as not to disturb my sleeping parents. okay, so i only dreamed (dreamt?) about having sex with debra. in actuality, we just stayed up a little bit and talked. about sex.

okay okay, we didn't. there was no sex involved or talked about. we just talked about...stuff. we talked about all of YOU. *points* okay okay, we didn't. we just talked about random stuff. sort of. i don't know, i'm tired right now. anyway, she slept over. we slept on separate couches, thankyouverymuch. although debra really could not resist me. i had to push her off my couch several times during the night. she even unbuttoned her pants to try to entice me into her couch. it didn't work.

finally, morning came. well...okay. we woke up at like 1230 when david called deb. we lolled about in bed for a while. [i'll let you think about that one. *wink wink nudge nudge*]

after david came to pick up deb, i went shopping with my parents. was sort of disappointed that i couldn't get my red comforter at linens n things. comforters are so freaking expensive. ugh. so i ended up getting pink bedsheets. i know, i know, i'm reverting to like 5 year old girly pink, but i never had pink sheets when i was little anyway. and besides, pink is a very underrated color. i think i'm starting to like it more. on tuesday, i got a new pink jansport backpack at costco. anyway, i wanted a red comforter to like, balance out the pink, sort of. but everything there was either too expensive or like...ugly. so then i started thinking about just getting a red blanket instead of a comforter, but that's sort of...weird. anyway. going to go to bed bath and beyond later today to see if i can find a nicer, cheaper red comforter there. but...i sort of doubt it. =/ if anyone wants to get me a going away present, get me a red comforter. i'll think of you every night i go to sleep.

anyway. after shopping, ate pho with parents then came home. was getting pretty bored till deb called and said, "do you want to do something tonight?" and i said, "YES!!!!" so, went out to play pool with deb, jacq, ha, david, and steven. now, this was like, the third time i've ever played. and the first time didn't really count either since i didn't really play. anyway, sufficed to say, i sucked. i sucked like a hoover!! i don't know where i got that expression. i think someone said it freshman year and it ended up on our wall of quotes, but...i wasn't there when it was said, so i honestly have no idea what its context was. but anyway, it was still really fun. my mind's starting to get real blurry, but i just remember that i had a lot of fun and laughed a lot at stupid silly things. and then...let's see...went to denny's afterward. where deb, david, and steven were acting like children. debra, specifically. ;D then it was back to deb's to watch yet another jet li movie. this one was particularly cheesy.

and now, i'm here. and tiiiiired. ooh, yes. must remember to look for a new lap desk tomorrow/today at bed bath and beyond. the one i have is like...super old. i've had it since like 6th grade. and i think that was the last time i ever did homework at my desk. after that, my desk became like a storage space and i always did my homework on my bed or in my chair in front of my computer. anyway. i am so tired. will go to sleep soon. after...i finish my requisite dawdling.