you know what? sod it all!! i think i'm just going to give up right now and just go ahead and write my memoirs: "confessions of a 19-year-old spinster." you know, sort of like "confessions of an ugly stepsister." that's an actual book, you know. anyway, i think it's a good idea.

and i really like how british people talk. the last three books i've read (getting over it, the making of minty malone, bridget jones: the edge of reason) have all revolved around young british women in london. i think i'm subconsciously attracted to books about young british women in london. hmm. anyway, i love their angry expressions. like "sod it" and "bugger" and "bollocks." and i love how they have so many different ways of saying "drunk"...sloshed, knackered, pissed.

anyway, should get started on those memoirs now. "confessions of a 19-year-old spinster. chapter one........."

hurrah!! have just finished reading my book! yay! if nothing else, i can at least say vacation was semi-productive. i finished a book. *beams proudly* getting over it by anna maxted. not a bad book. i suppose i couldn't really relate to the main plot of the story, but it definitely had its sweet moments. as well as hilarious ones. good book. hmm...now what to start on next. animal husbandry or chocolat? or maybe emma. never actually read emma and although i hear it's tedious, i'm still curious.

anyway, stayed up till like 5 am this morning. i really shouldn't have eaten that ham and cheese crossain-wich that my mother made and glugged down two-thirds of my pepsi can at like one in the morning, but i was hungry! besides, i decided to stop mulling over the gap hat i wanted and bought it. i mean, not only was it on sale for 6.99 but they also had this online special thing where you can take 25% of any sale item from now until the end of december. so the hat actually turned out to be 5.24; less than the shipping (5.95)!! yeah i know, they robbed me with shipping, but whatever, let's not think about that. let's just think of my 5.24 gap hat.

okay, i'm going to go eat more things now.

yay!! just got back from ice skating with chrissanmarchi. totally felt like i hadn't seen them in forever, when in reality, i just saw them like a week ago. but still. i miss them lots. they're so funny. ice skating was coooold but fun!! hadn't ice skated in a super long time, so was quite wobbly when i first got onto the ice, but it's like riding a bike, you never really forget. plus, it's like rollerblading. anyway, mar is brave ["look! i'm doing it!! i'm really doing it!!"]. and chris is funny when she tries to skate backwards. she basically just stands there, sticks her butt out, and yelps. san inadvertently caused two guys to crash and fall right behind her. she was getting all wobbly and stopped to try to regain her balance and these two guys right behind her stopped suddenly, clutched each other and kind of fell. it was pretty funny. san had this "oh-no-what-happened-i-didn't-do-it" look on her face. oh, and all the little kids there were really cute. there was this one little boy who was using those walker thingies and his mother was trying to teach him to skate and he lost his balance and just kind of fell straight backwards. he was still holding onto the walker too so it landed on top of him. it's like that kid in harry potter that hermione froze when he tried to stop them from leaving. yeah, it was like that. oh and there was this little vietnamese girl who was trying to learn how to skate too. oooooh, she was adorable!! her older cousin/sister was skating backwards and gesturing for the little girl to skate towards her. she ended up just running towards her on her little ice skates with her hands outstretched and giggling.

anyway, after that, even though it was raining outside (and still is) we decided to go to macfarlene's for ice cream. then we went back to mar's car and ate and talked. mmmm...goooood ice cream. san drew a picture of a naked man bending over and farting on mar's fogged up window. we all laughed and "eeew"-ed at it. we just sat there till like five pm then decided to head back. and now i'm here. even though it's been raining the whole day, it's been so so lovely. i love my old girl friends. feels like we hadn't been out with each other in aaaages. sigh. [that was a happy sigh, btw.] we need to go out and do something else now. la la la la laaaaa....!!

hey, you know what song i just recently rediscovered and have been playing on repeat non-stop? michael jackson's "the way you make me feel." THAT is a goooood song.

as freaky as this sounds, i want to go back to san diego now and start winter quarter. i don't care, there's just nothing to do here and i'm starting to lose my mind sitting at home all day staring at the tv. it's not even because almost everyone i know is gone. even when they are here, it's just...BORING. all right, maybe this is my fault. i should call up some of my few friends remaining in fremont and do something. but...what is there to do?! nothing. well, i still want to go back to san diego and start classes just for a lack of anything better to do. is that pathetic or what? i'm such a loser.

okay, i'm going back to my...ooh, tv!

*sigh.*

you know, i was just going through my archives and i realized that, seeing as how i passed my physics class, i don't have to take physics FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. now i've only got one more science class left: bio. gross.

AAAUUUUGHGHGHGHGHG!!!! AGH!!! I'M TALKING TO ABORN ONLINE. well, okay, technically, his friend peter is online and aborn is talking to me through him and vice versa. but aaaaahhhhh!! this is so cool!!

was supposed to wake up at the butt crack of dawn today to go after-christmas shopping with the parentals. mother wanted to leave at 630 and get there at 7. so i set my alarm for 6 am. alarm went off as scheduled, but i lay in bed thinking "just a few more minutes..." until about 7 am when the parentals decided to leave without me. went back to sleep only to be awakened upon their return at 1030. mother walks into bedroom, sees i'm still asleep and says, "you don't want to go anymore?" and i shake my sleepy head and mumble "no" and she says, "do you want in-n-out?" and i mumble "yes" and she says something else which i have no idea what but i just shake my head and mumble "no" and fall back asleep. finally woke up around 230 and got up. noticed there was a bag with a pair of jeans in them just sitting on my bed (my mom does that a lot. when i'm asleep, she'll just leave bags of new clothes sitting on top of my sleeping body). took the jeans out and stared at it for about two minutes. then realized my contacts weren't in. so got up, put on my contacts, and ate my breakfast of in-n-out that was sitting on the kitchen table when i went downstairs. mother asked if i'd still like to go shopping and, as i'm still obssessed with that esprit shoulder bag i saw last wednesday, i say yes. so we went to great mall which was just the scariest thing the day after christmas. old navy and gap were complete dumps. and i swear, i tried on about twenty pairs of jeans (i need new pairs. two of mine have holes in not so nice places) but none of them fit right. and all the people at the mall were starting to scare me. so all we got was a new wallet for my dad and my lovely lovely esprit bag. i love it.

well, that was about it for my exciting day. bah. i'm gonna be alone for the next few days. everyone i know is on vacation. or just super busy. oh well. more alone time with the inner madness. more time to contemplate why i...oh! just remembered part of my funny conversation with chris. first, if you've never met christina chen before, you must know that she is the tomboy-est person i know (well, not really. she's just very tomboy-ish) and she does NOT shop at forever 21.

GrafTed 23: i think the only place i really spent time in was forever 21
GrafTed 23: which is a big surprise
lilith chick: WHOA
lilith chick: YES, IT IS.
lilith chick: did you get anything??
GrafTed 23: yeah... this nice shirt
lilith chick: YOU GOT SOMETHING?!
lilith chick: WOWWW...
GrafTed 23: it has two holes over the boobs
lilith chick: HAHAHAHA
GrafTed 23: sheesh cherry
lilith chick: wait, what?
GrafTed 23: LOL
GrafTed 23: shadduP!
lilith chick: WHAT?!
lilith chick: IT HAS TWO HOLES OVER THE BOOBS?
GrafTed 23: i just got a nice shirt
GrafTed 23: that's all
lilith chick: hahahahahaha
GrafTed 23: JUST KIDDING!
lilith chick: AHAHAHAHAHAHA
GrafTed 23: I WAS JUST KIDDING!
lilith chick: OKAY
GrafTed 23: what?!
lilith chick: I JUST FIGURED THAT OUT
lilith chick: I DON'T KNOW
lilith chick: YOU CAN GET WEIRD SOMETIMES
GrafTed 23: ....
GrafTed 23: =|
lilith chick: shut up.
GrafTed 23: you worry me sometimes
lilith chick: shuuuut up.

OH!! I ALMOST FORGOT. i had a very interesting dream last night. it wasn't a bad one, although it sounds like it was. i mean, it wasn't a nightmare at all. in fact, there was one very good part of it. i don't remember the details, but for some reason, we were fighting in a war against italy and i was a soldier on the front line. we launched like a huuuuuge array of missiles at them, but they just kept coming at us and there were so many of them they looked like toy soldiers. so i'm on the front line with a few other people and we pull out our handguns and start shooting at them. then someone orders us to use our machine guns so we do. and i'm just spraying bullets everywhere. but they're still coming. so we retreat into this house behind us. all of a sudden, there's like a cease fire and some people go out and have an italian barbecue. so during this break, i find these codes and some officer explains to me how to use the codes to send messages to destroy some italian city. you know, i even remember the code right now. it was ABZ or ATZ or something like that. anyway, after getting briefed on the codes, i go see how my wounded friends are doing. they weren't people i know in real life though. anyway, the three of them are lying on blankets near each other and there's a medical officer sitting nearby. i go to my girl friend first and she looks grouchy. i think she was shot or something. i kind of ignore the second guy and go straight to the third guy lying next to the girl. i ask him how he's doing and he says he hurt his right hip. i don't know how, but he did. i ask him if he'd like a massage and he says yes, so he turns over and i start massaging his shoulders and back. and i tell him, "i've never given a massage before so tell me if anything hurts or whatever" and he acknowledges me but from the sound of it, i can tell he likes it. while i'm massaging him, i'm careful to not touch his hip but i kind of run my hand over it anyway and ask him, "does it hurt if i touch you there?" and he flinches so i take that as a yes. all of a sudden, the cease fire is over and all hell breaks loose again and the house is being fired at. my girl friend immediately jumps up (despite being shot) and runs to go fight or whatever. the guy sits up and we look at each other and i kiss him on the cheek and turn to leave. but he pulls me down and kisses me back on my cheek and then on my neck and i feel all tingly inside and i realize that, well, we're a bit more than just friends. unfortunately, we're forced to separate since i have to keep a watch out for any signals to send the coded messages and he has to go fight, i guess. i just remember feeling really sad, yet focused, for the rest of the dream. i sat there keeping watch until about the end of the dream when i start sending the coded messages. it took me FOREVER to send them. which is just retarded if you think about it because coded messages in battle should be kept short so the messages will be received quicker and actions implemented sooner. you know? anyway, that's the end, i think. wow, that's a really long paragraph. *sigh* sorry. you know, when i woke up, all i could think about was that guy. ugh, it sounds so corny and cheesy what happened in my dream (about the guy, not the war), but well, that's my subconscious, what can i say. and a war against italy?! that's so random. hmmm.... try analyzing THIS one, freud!!

okay, this blog is long enough. i'm going to go read now. i'm going to finish reading at least ONE book before break is over. and seeing as how all my friends are either gone or busy for the next few days and how i have no life anyway even when they are here, i'm sure i'll have no problems concentrating on my book.

i hate my birthday. thank goodness it's over.

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

"i'll be home for christmas" is stuck on repeat. is depressing the shit out of me. as well as ruined hair.

it's my birthday. is wrong to be depressed and angry like this. oh well.

gah! GAH!! shit shit... i ruined my new haircut. :( it's all floppy and shaggy now. i hate HATE how you get a haircut and it's styled all nicely and then you take a shower and it's gone FOR-EV-ER. *bawls*

i am now officially 19 years old.

to celebrate, i think i'll take a shower. my first shower as a 19 year old.

merry christmas. :)

just got back from dinner with the family at aunt's house. talk about strange. for once, almost all of us were there. my youngest uncle was, as always, missing as well as one of my cousins, but for the most part all of us were there. not that we had a rip-roaring time or anything, it was just unusual. one of my cousins, patty, didn't even recognize me with my short hair. she sat down next to me at the dinner table, and was like, "cherry???" a couple of her friends came over for dinner too. which is strange considering it's christmas eve. but oh well. and i think one of them was her boyfriend. i THINK. he was really cute. hellooooo.... ;) and very polite and courteous to boot. anyway, most of the night was pretty awkward. maybe it was just me, i don't know. but that's how it always is with our family. think about your most awkward moment. now prolong so it lasts for several hours. yeah, that's how most of our get togethers are. oh well. at least it's over.

i'm bored now. where is everyone? :( there are only six people online on my buddy list (not including myself). and i don't talk to half of those people. blaaaah... i'm going to eat and channel surf.

look at me! look at me!! i'm up early!! my alarm actually woke me up around 1030 and i just rolled around in bed moaning "noooo...." for about fifteen to twenty minutes. i finally got up, got dressed, went to go put deb's trash cans in her backyard, then went to the post office with my dad to pick up jo's slippers. when i got home i told myself i'd leave it wrapped since it is a present but i couldn't resist, and tore into it. ;D well, it's not like i tried them on or anything, and besides, i'm going to rewrap it. even if jo already knows what it is, i don't care, i'm rewrapping it.

awww...my mom's friend's little boy is so cute. i just gave him a santa pez dispenser and my mom said, "say thank you" and he said "tenkoo." he's only two years old. :)

okay, let's see. must bid on some manga for jen while she's in china. then must go to aunt's house for dinner. that's going to be fun. well okay, i shouldn't be mean. it's christmas. and besides, i'm expecting money from my relatives. *greedy grin* ahhh...that's so wrong. oh well. i'm going to go play with the little boy now.

so...got up late today. what else is new? woke up around 130 but didn't actually get up till like 2. went to go get my hair cut with my mom. we went to this place owned by one of my mom's friends. they actually lived near each other when they were kids in vietnam, which i thought was cool. anyway, i really liked the place and the lady. she did a great job. she cut off all the wavy hair and cut my hair into this short bob which feels super short, but i like it anyway. and she gave me a nice side part which i don't think i'll be able to keep since my hair stubbornly refuses to part anywhere but the middle, but i'm going to try anyway. she also trimmed my mom's hair. she had three of her four children running around the place too. they were all so adorable!! they're going to be good looking people when they grow up, i can tell.

anyway, when we were about to leave, my mom and the lady did that whole asian thing where they argue about who should pay the dinner bill, only this time, my mom wanted to pay and the lady didn't want her to. usually, i would find this kind of stuff extremely embarrassing, but today i just thought it was pretty amusing. imagine two small asian ladies semi-wrestling in the middle of a hair salon. thank goodness we were the only people in the place (well, except for her children and the lady's sister). while they were semi-wrestling, my mom pointed the beepy thing at the car and unlocked the doors and told me to run to the car. i kind of just stood there staring at them. finally, my mom pushed me out the door towards the car and dropped the money onto the table in the waiting area. but the lady was too clever for that!! she picked up the wad of bills, ran after me, and stuffed it into my purse. my mom came around the car, asked me where she put the money, and so i gave her my purse. so my mom digs through my purse, pulls out the money, and goes over to the lady's car, opens the door, and throws the money inside. finally, THANKFULLY, that's the end of it and we drive off. although it would've been pretty funny yet scary if the lady had run out, jumped into her car, and chased us down mission. but she didn't. and we got away. mom: 1. lady: 0.

so my aunt calls my mom and tells her that she needs fish, so my mom ended up going to like three places to find salmon since costco and ranch 99 ran out. my mom kept wondering why and i was like, hello it's three days before christmas. so we didn't get home till like 6 and i was STAAAARVING cuz i hadn't eaten anything the whole day. i felt all faint and woozy. so i ate. and ate. and ate. and then i died. no just kidding. heehee, the abornito story. anyway, dylan came by to drop off another present - the lord of the rings trilogy! well, that and the hobbit. it came in this box set. and i was *just* thinking to myself that i really needed to read those books. thanks, dylan!!

so, all in all, good day. love my new haircut. back to short hair, i go. it's funny cuz last year, i cut my hair short over christmas break too. and i'm wearing a new sweater - the express one san got me. the one that deb has in green. and i used the purse deb got me. and i got some great new reading material from dylan. yes, it was a good day. ;D